Wow, this week is dragging by If I do say so. The heat is unbearable at times.. like today the tempature is supposed to reach 100 degrees not even including the heat index which is probably at least 120!!! I actually got a text from PV2 Johnson yesterday and he informed me there have been 26 heat casuality's in the past 2 days. I mean really this is the Army, cant they make sure they are drinking and "
hydrating" like they are supposed to? What good is Feild Traning of they are dropping like fly's from heat stroke or worse?
Okay enough complaning, I just miss him and absolutly cannot wait until this stepping stone (Virginia) is over. This place has worn me thin..(yes, because I let it)
Yesterday I went to "Scooter guys" memorial. I didnt get the closure I so badly wanted from this situation. But, I did learn about the wonderful family and life he led. I, for some reason will forever be connected to him. Though I feel like noone will ever completely understand. I am okay with that.
On a much lighter note it is slowly approaching... the day we get out of this place. It is so bittersweet because as the final day comes I realize that this phase of our Army life os about to end and another is to begin. Scary to think I am going to the unknown again, but also sad because I am going to miss my peeps here! I feel like the people who I am closest to here will be forever in my heart and life! I definatly would have never made it here without my friends. Wow saying that outloud makes me want to publically say that they are the reason I pushed through this.
There is still so much to do.. paperwork and finding a house (geez, thats a big one) sometimes when I am so overwhelmed I tend to put off things as a way to deflect my responsibility's. This all boils down to a subject i try to avoid, not because I dont want to speak about it, but, because I feel like I dont deserve to.
Okay, here it goes. I used to have an amazing relationship with our Lord, our Savior.... but my trials and tribulations seemed to be so much greater than my relationship with him. This is going to be all over the place seing as I dont know where to begin again. I was truely saved on Feb 12, 2006. 3 months prior to giving birth to my lil side-kick James Joseph. Everything in my life made scence. I was participating in bible study's : The Power Of a Praying Wife, The Pourpose Driven Life, and so many more. My life actually had a pourpose and absolutly everything I had gone through to that point tramatic or not I came to understand a deeper meaning to. I do have to say it wasnt with out stress or faults!! By no means, It just seemed to me the closer my relationship with my father became, the more my life fell apart, bills piled up and most of all my marriage started shredding to pieces. I guess what I am trying to get out is that as time has gone by I started relying more on myself, to the point that I dont lean on him anymore. This to me is tragic because all I want is to feel inspired and that closeness I dont have. I feel like I cannot refer to him when trying to relate to things because I dont deserve to. I long for that relationship... HOW DO I GET IT BACK??? I just cannot begin where we left off...
Well Here's a Huge Update
7 years ago
2 comments:
Girl, I know exactly how you feel about your relationship with God! Well, maybe I shouldn't say that, since it tends to be pet peeve of mine when people say that, so maybe I don't know EXACTLY how you feel, but I have recently struggled with something very similar! It seemed like all the stress and busyness of this new life crept in and distracted me and instead of fully relying on Him more, I began relying more on my incredibly incompetent self!! Needless to say, it was crash and burn! I am thankful, because God used it to lift my eyes to HIm and re~adjust my priorities and other things. Now I make it an absolute priority to spend more time with Him in prayer and reading His Word. I know what I am like without it, and I don't want to see that person anymore!!! Cling to Him, girl, ask for grace, and mercy, and forgiveness. Our God is an awesome God and faithful and He hears our cries and our pleas for mercy!!! He wants to be close to you more than you can imagine! He is waiting!! I was so encouraged by your post today =) Praise God that you are one of His children!! And yeah that you only have a few more days of FTX!!
I know, what was I doing??? Wasting so much precious time with him. I could have had this joy in my heart that I allowed myself to forget so quickly! I just feel so blessed that I can be a child of god welcomed into his light, I pray that I have the strength and courage to carry through. I cant believe that your time here is coming to an end. I am so happy that we made it also... not long now and now that I am looking up My outlook on this whole life is no longer jaded PRAISE HIM!!! <3
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