Having a hard time with this transition.... 20 days

There has been so much going on.. With our time in Virginia, sadly (those of you who know me, know quite the contrary) coming to an end. I cant help but to feel so mixed up about what is to come. There isn't much time left to get our affairs in order. My In-Laws are coming this weekend to pick up my daughter for a couple weeks this summer, which will put us picking her up in Atlanta in 3 weeks. Love the fact she can spend time with family we don't get to see nearly as much as we would like to. But it is adding more TO-DO'S on our list. We still have a whole house worth of stuff in Knoxville, Tn. Where we lived prior to this whole, Army whirlwind of a life came into place. Not to mention I have still not gotten us on the Housing waiting list at Ft.Campbell. UGHHHH



So in knowing there is much to do and little time to do it in, Why is it that I cant bring myself to get started. I am dragging ARSE because between enrolling both my kids in school, finding a place to live, trying to deal with Transportation and Finance and struggling to get all the Information we need in order to properly get all our ducks in a row for this PCS, I am at a complete stand still. I wanted so badly to get outta here, and now I am procrastinating. What will it take for me to snap out of this? I feel like I am stuck and with no assistance from my "helpmate" I really feel alone in all this. I am not for a second blaming him but at what point do you get used to doing it alone? Someone must have the answer to this question...

Today marks halfway through FTX...

Wow, this week is dragging by If I do say so. The heat is unbearable at times.. like today the tempature is supposed to reach 100 degrees not even including the heat index which is probably at least 120!!! I actually got a text from PV2 Johnson yesterday and he informed me there have been 26 heat casuality's in the past 2 days. I mean really this is the Army, cant they make sure they are drinking and "
hydrating" like they are supposed to? What good is Feild Traning of they are dropping like fly's from heat stroke or worse?





Okay enough complaning, I just miss him and absolutly cannot wait until this stepping stone (Virginia) is over. This place has worn me thin..(yes, because I let it)
Yesterday I went to "Scooter guys" memorial. I didnt get the closure I so badly wanted from this situation. But, I did learn about the wonderful family and life he led. I, for some reason will forever be connected to him. Though I feel like noone will ever completely understand. I am okay with that.

On a much lighter note it is slowly approaching... the day we get out of this place. It is so bittersweet because as the final day comes I realize that this phase of our Army life os about to end and another is to begin. Scary to think I am going to the unknown again, but also sad because I am going to miss my peeps here! I feel like the people who I am closest to here will be forever in my heart and life! I definatly would have never made it here without my friends. Wow saying that outloud makes me want to publically say that they are the reason I pushed through this.



There is still so much to do.. paperwork and finding a house (geez, thats a big one) sometimes when I am so overwhelmed I tend to put off things as a way to deflect my responsibility's. This all boils down to a subject i try to avoid, not because I dont want to speak about it, but, because I feel like I dont deserve to.

Okay, here it goes. I used to have an amazing relationship with our Lord, our Savior.... but my trials and tribulations seemed to be so much greater than my relationship with him. This is going to be all over the place seing as I dont know where to begin again. I was truely saved on Feb 12, 2006. 3 months prior to giving birth to my lil side-kick James Joseph. Everything in my life made scence. I was participating in bible study's : The Power Of a Praying Wife, The Pourpose Driven Life, and so many more. My life actually had a pourpose and absolutly everything I had gone through to that point tramatic or not I came to understand a deeper meaning to. I do have to say it wasnt with out stress or faults!! By no means, It just seemed to me the closer my relationship with my father became, the more my life fell apart, bills piled up and most of all my marriage started shredding to pieces. I guess what I am trying to get out is that as time has gone by I started relying more on myself, to the point that I dont lean on him anymore. This to me is tragic because all I want is to feel inspired and that closeness I dont have. I feel like I cannot refer to him when trying to relate to things because I dont deserve to. I long for that relationship... HOW DO I GET IT BACK??? I just cannot begin where we left off...

Today and everyday We Honor Our Fallen!!!

So we know we are PCS'ing to Ft Campbell in Aug. and for the most part I am overwhelmed with excitement! So in finding out all the information I can about our new home, I am doing my research on the area and seeing if I can find out more about the unit, and mostly meeting wives there who are more "seasoned" so to speak as far as them being there and knowing the ropes. About 98% OF the wives I have spoken to; their husbands are Deployed.

In knowing this was part of the lifestyle we chose in order for our kids to have the future we so much desire for them to have, I am as adjusted to the inevitable as much as possible at this moment. With AIT wearing me thin I have started to question my motives for being here... until today when the powerful, heart-stopping reality smacked me in the face harder than a closed sliding-glass door.

That OUR men, (sons, husbands, brothers, fiances etc.) are paying the ultimate sacrifices... THEIR LIVES for a selfish American nation that wouldn't even think twice for laying their remotes down for a M4. Our loved ones are out there fighting for the freedom that isn't so free after all.




So in honor of just a few of our men today, I have to say that The Screaming Eagles, Combat Team, 101st Airborne Division (Air Assault), Fort Campbell, Ky. lost five brave Soldiers June 7, when their vehicle struck an improvised explosive device in the Dangam district, Kunar province, Afghanistan.



These men paid the ultimate sacrifice for our country the least we can do is honor and remember them. They have left wives, children, and parents behind that will forever be impacted by the selflessness that took the lives of they're loves ones.

Just the other day a man was telling me his son was joining the Army to become Infantry.
I said "Wow, you say it like you encouraged it"... he said "Yes, actually I do!"
"May I ask why" ?
He said this.." because at least I know he is fighting for some kind of greater good, even if we don't know what that is yet". Uhh umm I was choking up a little only for the known fact I would never be so nonchalant about my child dying especially for a mostly ungrateful nation...

If in any way someone was offended reading this let me clear something up. For the most part I am generally speaking about our country and the rat race where people are more interested in football games, Starbucks and fashion , just to name a few. When, if.. 1/3 of that energy was put into the welfare and concern for our family's sarcificeing their sanity, time, marriages Mommy's, dads etc. this nation would be something to be somewhat proud of. Our Armed forces are what makes us a nation and it seems like that image would warrant some appreciation!!!

Today was a learning experience.

Hello, I guess as my first Blog ever... I should tell you a little about my self and how my family and I have gotten where we are now. I am Candice Johnson, and I am twenty-six years old. I am married to Jeremy and we have the two most loving and intriguing children ever imaginable. Katelyn Abigail is 6, wow that's a realization hard to swallow!! James Joseph is 4, and hes defiantly giving me a run for my money since the day he was born. I love all three of them with my heart and soul. I am originally from Naples, Fl. yes they actually do call us Krackers.. ha ha. Born and raised! My wonderful Husband is from Ellaville, Ga. hes a Peach! Wow, for your information, thats actually the smallest town I have ever had the chance of seeing.

Funny story Jeremy and I met at Felda Motors ports Park. If your wondering what that is it's a place where people (rednecks) take their trucks and 4-wheelers and Pay to play in the mud!!! So My good friend Marsha and I decided to take a ride out there and see what kind of trouble we could get into at the time. I was 19 years old and carefree. Long time ago now but thinking back to the first time we met is putting the biggest grin on my face! So after about half a day in the sun covered in mud, I see this beautiful F-250 4X4 ( which I later nicknamed Big Daddy) in the middle of this huge mud pit doing donuts around a half sunken 4-wheeler. I mean the tires stood almost as tall as me. I looked to may left and told Marsha " I don't care who he is he's gonna be mine." Spoken like a true rebel without a cause. Marsha says to me " How do you know hes not married or something?" My response to that was the best decision of my life. " I don't know yet, but I am going to find out.

Needless to say almost eight years later and we are still going strong. My husband just within the last year became a proud member of the United States Army!! His MOS is 15 Y which is an Apache helicopter Armament, Electronic and weaponry. Incredible job to have in the Military. I've absolutely been overwhelmed with pride and admiration for the man he has become. An American Soldier... HOOAH! Sorry sometimes it just comes out. I am an Army wife and I will stand behind him until the day we die!! I do have to say that this, this life has not come without hurdles and ticking clocks!!! Best way to put the whole "Hurry up and wait" lifestyle!!

As of last summer we have had the challenges of BCT- Basic Training, 12 weeks with little to no contact at all! Feb 13, 2009 Jeremy completed and graduated from Ft. Jackson,SC. this had to be the first of many proudest Army wife moments. I cried and shouted and just had the most overwhelming sense of pride for the choice my husband and so many others have made for their country. We are currently living in VA. near Ft Eustis, where Jeremy is in the last stages of AIT- technical training. Twenty- nine weeks and a few days we will have been here by the time he graduates. By far being close to my husband wasn't the bad choice everyone warned me it would be. I do have to say this though being so close yet so far away because of his schedule is by far the hardest part. We are lucky to see him twice a week, and most weekends if everything goes as planned, (which if u know Army...nothing ever does)! There's grueling hours for him. He is a night Gator, this means he goes to school from 1600 to 0100. He is up at 0630 and has PT and then usually tries to catch up on sleep. I am amazed by his ability he never ceases to amaze me and I cannot imagine my life with out my Big Daddy.

As I get older I have begun to realize every day is a new challenge. Today especially, the world has become a place where people take for granted what the important things really are in life. For me the most important things in life are right in front of you.. reach out and appreciate the little things like the mountains or the stars. Most of all sweating the things in life that don't matter take from u the things in the world that do matter.